Hi there! I’m Heidi Savell, LCSW.

I work as a therapist and coach to help polyamorous people (and those exploring) gain the skills they need to find more joy in their relationships. I’m here to help you navigate anxiety, jealousy, and tricky communication so that you can show up with more confidence and enjoy everything polyamory has to offer.

MY ORIGIN STORY

I first started my non-monogamy journey in my late twenties. My partner at the time and I dabbled in swinging. But it didn’t take me long to realize that I was wanting something more.

Knowing that there had to be something else out there (and being a bit of a nerd) I started reading whatever books I could find on ethical non-monogamy. I discovered polyamory and immediately felt drawn to the idea of it.

Polyamory opened my eyes to a whole new way of engaging in relationships. There was so much about the relationship style that resonated for me, and I felt drawn to explore it on a deeper level.

And that could be the end of my origin story, but NOPE.

MY STRUGGLE

Even as a trained therapist, the start of my polyamory journey was a messy struggle. I was excited to have discovered this new relationship structure, but I was also totally unprepared for the work involved in such a major transition.

Once I started actively practicing polyamory, I found myself plagued with insecurity. I would spin out on worst-case scenarios, and get so distressed that I would say and do things I later regretted. I kept falling back into monogamy-mindset even as I wanted so much to embrace polyamory. I spent a lot of time feeling ashamed and doubting my ability to even do this. It felt like no matter how hard I tried, I was messing everything up.

While the books and other resources were helpful, they didn’t lead to the kind of change I was looking for, and I had so many unanswered questions.

MY HEALING

Over the years (yes, years!!) I slowly and painfully found my way through the struggle. I got really clear on my values and what I wanted. I learned to better recognize my own distress, and found effective ways to manage it. I explored my beliefs about love and romance and learned how steeped they were in a monogamous way of thinking. And I built a strong community full of kind, compassionate, and curious folks who are walking this polyamory path right alongside me.

Today I am thriving in polyamory. I have sweet and loving partners, an extended polycule, and a robust polyamorous community. I’ve created relationships that best fit my style of polyamory, and that are full of love, curiosity, and compassion.

Of course, I still make mistakes, and occasionally bump up against challenges. But now I have the tools I need to be able to move through those with so much more ease and kindness. I look around at all the poly joy in my life, and I feel so grateful for how far I’ve come.

I think back to that past version of me and I wish she had found more guidance in the early stages of her journey. Someone to help her move through that process in months instead of years. In fact, I wish I could go back and be that someone to her.

But, since time travel isn’t a thing, what I do instead is offer this help to others.

HOW I CAN HELP YOU

I’ve been supporting non-monogamous folks for over a decade now, and in that time I have learned a lot about what does and does not work. I’ve built up a collection of my very best tools, strategies, and resources to help folks move through the challenges of ethical non-monogamy and reach a place of groundedness and stability.

If you are struggling like I was, know that I see you, and I want to make your journey easier than mine was. Reach out to me if you are ready to get STEADY in polyamory.

If you are struggling like I was, know that I see you, and I want to make your journey easier than mine was. Reach out to me if you are ready to feel better. Let’s get you the support you need to THRIVE in polyamory.